How I Told My Recent Converts.

 So I never wrote about how I came out to some of my recent converts.

   It was not something I planned on doing, at least not this early on. There are only a select few that I had planned telling ever.

   I was really afraid that if my recent converts knew I was gay it might damage some of their testimonies, and I really did not want to be the cause of that.

   Anyways, this recent convert family, let's call them the Jimenez family. They despite being mexican are very progressive. The father and kids especially.

  I did not have qualms about telling them, but I was planing on telling them in like a year or so.

   So this is how it happened. I was visiting my mission a few months ago, and I was staying with the "Jimenez" family, and the second to the oldest lets call him Juan, was going to be baptized the Sunday that I was there. But he changed his mind like 15 minutes before the service was supposed to start. So his dad the missionaries and I were talking to him and trying to understand what he was thinking and feeling.

   He told us that earlier that day in church as he was watching the 20 minute restoration video he thought to himself this is all made up, the church god and all of that. That is the sentiment he has had before and it seems that he never really quite got that testimony. So he wanted to know logically why there had to be a god so we talked to him for awhile about that, and then he came out with his other doubts, one of them being denying gays the right to marry and homosexuality being wrong. The oldest daughter (lets call her Dharma) also had a problem with that as well. They made the points that I have made as well. If gender is eternal and so important, then why are there hermaphrodites? and many more points that I have thought of myself.

     The missionaries responses were what we have all heard time and again from church leaders. One of the missionaries even talked about homosexuality being a choice, I corrected him on that point, but I could not say what I truly felt with the rest of it.

    The topic of homosexuality had come up before with them when I was still serving my mission, but we had always been able to state the church's position on it and move on to a different topic. This time the discussion was intense, and since I could not express what I felt I left the room.

  "Hno Jimenez" was moving in and out of the room, so I was able to pull him aside and tell him that I wanted to talk to him and his 2 oldest kids about what we had been talking about, but that we couldn't do that till the missionaries left. Later "Dharma" stepped out for a minute and I was able to tell her the same thing.

    So later on the missionaries were going to leave but "Hno Jimenez" found out that they had not eaten, no doubt they had been planning on eating at the baptism which was no longer going to happen. So being the wonderful person that he is "Hno Jimenez" went to go make something and they followed him to the kitchen. 

    So "Dharma" and I were alone in the living room, and she asked me if I could tell her what I wasn't able to tell her with the missionaries there. So in a low whisper I told her I was gay, and started to tell her my story. We ended up going on a walk together so we could continue our conversation because the missionaries ended up coming into the room.

   She told me that she had thought that I was gay, but had thought that I must not have come to terms with it yet.

   When the missionaries left I told "Hno Jimenez" and "Juan" what I had told dharma and a bit more. About halfway through the rest of the family got home. So we drove to the Santa Monica pier to finnish talking. I just did not feel like I should tell the rest of the family at that time.

    One of the things that was so amazing that I pointed out to them as we neared the pier. Is how amazing it is that God placed me there at that time.       There are not that many gay Mormons that choose to go on a mission knowing they are gay that it won't change and believing that gay marriage is right and good. So for me to be sent to people that have an issue with the church's stance on that subject and to boot for me to have been visiting them when the subject came up and actually being able to share with them my story was a miracle. Both "Dharma" and "Hno Jimenez" were blown way just as much as I was. Unfortunately "Juan" thought it was a really big coincidence. Or at least thats what he said, but I'm sure he will come around.

Dating For Gay Mormons.

So I found this gay Mormon social network that is amazing!
  It's kind of like a primitive Facebook. Only  other people that have an account can see your info. And you decide what info you want to put on there.
    I know that some people might be concerned about meeting people online. Don't worry, I had that concern too. From what I can see the people on there just want to find other gay Mormons to date and hopefully someone to spend the rest of their lives with.
  It definitely  seems very secure because you have to take a picture of yourself and a number code they email you so they can make sure that the pictures you upload are really you.
 If you are still thinking you might want to marry the opposite sex or be celibate for the rest of your life, or are unsure what you are going to do with your ssa, there are quite a few people in the same boat on the website as well. So it's not just about dating, it's about connecting with other gay Mormons. And you can search for people by zip code so you can find people near you. Though I must say you have a much greater chance of finding someone near you if you live in Utah. Thank goodness I am moving there next month. There were only 4 people in the Washington dc area from ages 19-30 not including myself.
   Another great thing is that, since I have been using the website the temptation to look at porn has almost left entirely, proving what I said in my last post.
   The website is corinvictus.com

An amazing interview.

   This interview was amazing, I love his thoughts on the subject of homosexuality especially towards the end of the interview. he is able to articulate what I oft times have not been able to.

Healthy Expression of Attraction

      So unfortunately I slipped up yesterday by looking at that bad stuff on the internet. Fortunately this happens less and less often. I'm down to like one slip up a month now, sometimes every other month. But I was thinking how it is that this comes about. And it is when I am feeling more than normally the desire to be with a man. So I look at pictures that are not wrong at all. Just two men embracing or kissing. the problem is when I do that for to long I look on the Internet for more such pictures to feed that desire and then come across something that's more than just an embrace or kissing which leads me to the bad stuff and then I don't pull out when I know I should.

   But I was thinking that this might all be avoided if I had a healthy outlet for those desires. Like a boyfriend. Or just being able to be open about my feelings with those around me. And I think it would be even less likely to happen if there were some good gay romance films out there. So much of the gay films are just all about sex, and or they are poorly done.

       I have yet to see a really good gay romance movie. It needs to be just like the other chick flicks just with two gay men rather than a man and a woman.

       I think when you repress something it will just resurface even stronger than before. Or to a lesser degree than repressing by just not healthily expressing that attraction can have a similar effect.

      My best friend told me about this friend of hers from work who is gay. He is blond fit and not so obviously gay which is so my type.

      She showed him a picture of me and he thought I was really cute, so I am hoping we can go on a date, it would be the first time I have ever dated a guy and the prospect makes me all bubbly inside. I believe that it would truly be a healthy expression of my attraction to men, and help me stay away from pornography.