Experiences from my mission part 1.

    I just recently returned home from my mission, I had a blog before I left on my mission, ( http://gaymormonboy.blogspot.com/ )  but since I have returned I cannot remember the name of the email adress I used to do my blog. So I am staring another blog.I thought I would begin by talking about my mission just a little bit. I served in a spanish speaking mission in California, it was so wonderful learning spanish and helping others come unto Christ and change their lives.
    Before I left on my mission after three years of trying to change my sexuality I had finally come to terms with the fact that that was not going to change, after a great internal struggle I came to feel that acting on my feelings by saving myself for marriage with another man that I was attracted to was not wrong. But after a few weeks in the MTC surrounded by so many church leaders with no access to the moho community, I began to wonder if what I had been so resolved to do before I set out for my mission was indeed wrong, I was deeply concerned that acting on my feelings even within marriage would keep me from reaching Exaltation and eternal life. What I wanted more than anything was to become like my Heavenly Father, and be with my family forever, something I still want. At the same time I wanted to be with someone I could love completely, and without reservations. This inner conflict caused me to become very depressed. So I sought the counsel of my Branch President there at the MTC.
    It was the first time that I had ever told a Church leader about my attraction to men. I was very glad I talked with my Branch President, he was loving and understanding, one of the reasons I had decided to confide in him after I had received the confirmation of the spirit in my prayers that it was what I should do.
    Because of that interview and a later interview with my first mission President and being surrounded with the church's view on the subject, I began to consider someday marrying a woman. I definitely wasn't going to live alone all my life. Despite the lack of romance that I have had in my young life, I am very romantic and can not see myself  reaching complete happiness without an eternal companion.
    So even though I had thought that I had overcome that internal struggle of reconciling my faith and my sexuality before I left on my mission. I returned to that internal struggle, there were a few times when it really got to me, one time it was so bad that during companionship study as my companion and I began our studies together with a song I couldn't sing, and broke down crying in front of him. After him asking me a few times what was wrong and me not wanting to answer the spirit told me that I should tell I was gay, so I did. He informed me that the spirit had told him that not long before I did. He really helped me a lot, he reminded me that having those feelings wasn't wrong. I told him everything about my feelings, even how I did not think that two men being married was wrong, but at that time I had become unsure of that. my companion did not say too much he just listened with love, he did not even say anything about how I should not someday act on my feelings. For all I know he supports gay marriage, the advice he gave me was to focus on my mission, and worry about my sexuality later. That helped a lot, and I was better able to help those around me as I continued to serve the Lord on my mission.